Max’s Blog!

Today we went to the Tower of London. Turns out, it’s not really a tower. Whateva. Lots O’ Murder and Treachery. Bah, Humbug.
Our tour guide, a yeoman (or meateater, depending) told all of the married women to go to the room of the Crown Jewels and look at the Koh-i-Noor Diamond, and then their wedding ring, and then back, and hold up their left hand near the case to examine the size difference, and scowl, then turn to their husbands and say, “You cheap skinflint!” Everyone laughed. Dang tourists.
And Gawd, these Bri’ish toipes gote lotes o’ blud in ther pawst (say it aloud and you might get it). I mean, it was all, ‘Murder this,’ and ‘blood that’ and ‘torture here’ and ’slaughter there.’ I mean, they could fill an entire unabridged thesaurus with just synonyms for the word “death”. Umph.
Well, thaaat’s all for now, folks! *doodly doo buh bum* (looney tunes)

I homework did today. Algebra I I hate. Monotonous  is civics. Art haven’t tried I yet. Stir crazy I going. Yoda voice all that keepin me sane is. Toward the light I go will. Homework there is not in the light…
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Nothing much to report. Sat in bed all day at the hotel and played Harry Potter 4 for PC for about six hours.

P.S. If you don’t know what “nosin moosh” means, say it aloud. You’ll get it.

OMG I’m in LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a!m!a!z!i!n!g!
It is totally all it is cracked up to be. And more. Yesterday we flew into Par-ee, Land of the Rude Forein-Language-Speaking Flight Attendants, and took a hopper flight to London Heathrow. I then proceeded to be a sack of potatoes for about an hour, until my mom told me that I would have a splitting headache if I rested now. So we got up and walked around the block near our hotel, the London Hilton on Park Lane. We eventually found ourselves and Windsor Castle, and spent two hours goggling at jewels and gory paintings in the Queen’s Gallery. OMG Prince William is so hot. Whatever.
Then I had a natural urge to find the lavatory, and we searched almost all of london to find a bathroom. I mean do British peeps, like, not ever have to GO? I mean, what’s up with that?
So after searching several chocolate shops and finding only 72% cacao bars (which  bought several of, thank you very much) we found ourselves in a London subway, where I nearly fainted of sudden jet lag dizziness. Guess what we found? The coolest and most expensive tie store in all of london. I mean, a small womens tie was 25 pounds!(That’s about $50.) And even after I had a Coke, I was still dizzy, and my mom wouldn’t let us just take the freakin’ SUBWAY, which we were about five feet from, to the hotel, and we had to walk through the crazy London traffic! I almost had to pull out some colorful Cockney language I learned online. Then my mom suddenly went crazy due to lack of sleep and insisted we go to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. After circling the hotel three times, we finally found the Cafe, and had to suffer through an hour of My Chemical Romance and Velvet Revolver and Incubus, although the lead singer of Incubus, Brandon Boyd, is sort of hot, I guess. Whatever.
And if you ever go to the Hard Rock Cafe, get a Virgin Crushed Velvet. It’s delicious. And it comes with a free martini glass.
So we got a free Martini Glass, and my mom searched for, like, half an hour for a coupon for a free “Mystery Souvenier” at the Hard Rock Shop next door. Which turned out to be a weird pin thing.
And then we walked back to the hotel, exhausted and aching, and collapsed on our beds. I played Harry Potter 4 on my computer for a while, then proceeded to drop like a stone.
So ends Day One of my “AMAZING LONDON TRIP”.
More tommorow.